Le Fromage
by edmidt
Summary: Omi...has a nightmare...about...cheese.


Le Fromage

PLEASE READ A/N: I wrote this as a Writer's Craft assignment…the assignment was to write a story involving dreams, castle and cheese…so I did a …Weiss Kruez fic? Just bear in mind this meant to be a silly piece of crap so don't have high expectations going into this…anyway there's nothing too serious in it (SLIGHT yaoi implications…no swearing) because I had to hand it in! Anyway, I hope you find this amusing. I will be uploading a proper WK yaoi shortly.

Wind whipped through his orange-blonde hair, whispering over the desolate English moor. The boy moved aimlessly over the black, muddy grass atop a tall, white horse. The wind swept the mist away from the moor, revealing a menacing castle looming on a hill some distance ahead of him. His horse whinnied, throwing her mane into the wind. The castle looked abandoned and run-down. Vines sprawled over the structure, many of the stained-glass windows were broken or missing, and the North tower was crumbling into the hill.

Omi sighed exasperatedly. "So, of course this stupid dream is going to take me into that castle and this dream will probably turn into a nightmare. Where they torture me, chain me to the wall, etceteras." He folded his arms over his chest, his cape flapping about behind him. "And what's the deal with this horse? I don't even know how to ride a horse! And this cape…" He trailed off as his horse plodded onwards towards the castle. "Oh, no. No you don't. We are NOT going in there." He grabbed the reins and yanked his horse around. She continued in the same direction, her rump pointed in the direction of the hill. "NO! Nononono!" Omi kicked her flanks, but no amount of kicking or rein pulling would change the horse's mind.

Quite randomly and suddenly, a wheel of stinky cheese rolled out of the remaining mist in the opposite end of the moor and came to stop, the horse nonchalantly stepped on it. The earth below them began to shake and a low, rumbling sound filled the moor. A yellowish-orange mass flowed towards them. The stench of old cheese filled his nostrils and he clamped his over his mouth to hold the bile down. "Oh, God…" He urged his horse on, but she continued at the same placid pace, undisturbed by the avalanche of cheese that was gaining on them. "I hate…CHEESE!" Omi cried, sliding from the saddle and running as fast as he could towards the grey stone citadel on the hill.

By the time he reached the massive oak doors the cheese was licking at his heels. He yanked the doors open with an astounding display of manly strength. Omi darted inside, the doors banging shut behind him. He rested against the wall to catch his breath and survey his surroundings. The hallway he had entered reached about a mile and was lined with creepy suits of armor all the way down. Omi shuddered in the gloom, moving from the wall and into the middle of the red carpet, trying to keep a safe distance from the twin rows of empty knights. He crept down the hall, his arms wrapped around himself, peering cautiously into the rooms branching off from the corridor. He opened the door to the dining hall, the table was set with lit candles and massive platters of all kinds of cheese. Omi let out a yelp, slamming the door shut. "Maybe this place isn't abandoned after all…" He slinked on, hugging himself even harder. "This castle may be creepy, but it's a lot better then the mounds of cheese outside. I really hate that disgusting, horrible, reeksome, fiiiilthy cheese. What's the worst that could happen in here? This is only a dream anyway."

A spider dropped from the ceiling, high above, right in front of his nose. With a squeak, he leaped backwards – right into the arms of a tin knight! "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Omi screamed and struggled as the armor creakily lifted him by the back of the shirt. He lashed with his limbs, yelling various curses.

The suit chuckled, and said in a familiar but hollow, metallic voice, "Calm down, Omittchi. We've been waiting for you to come for a long time." The knight carried him to the end of the hall, Omi kicking and screaming the whole way. When they got to the end of the hallway, the knight stopped in front of a tiny wooden door that looked like only a dwarf could walk through without having to stoop over. The knight inserted a metal finger into the keyhole and turned it left, then right. Omi was silent as the door opened slowly, the dim hallway splashed with yellow light.

He gasped, "W-what are you two doing here?" Standing behind the door were two of his close friends, red-head samurai Aya and blonde male prostitute Youji.

"I'm here, too." Said the suit of armor. Her removed his helmet with his free hand, revealing Omi's third best friend, Ken, the brunette soccer coach.

"What are you doing to me?" Omi thrashed out at him and Ken promptly dropped him to the floor with a smile. "Why are we here?"

"We're here…to show you the light." Aya said in a voice like velvet, striding towards Omi and Ken.

"The light? What are you talking about, Aya?" Omi gave him a quizzical look.

Aya cupped one side of Omi's baby-smooth face, giving a small, genuine smile. Omi was extremely frightend at this, as Aya avoids physical contact with people and never smiles, under any circumstance. Suddenly, Aya used the hand on Omittchi's face to shove him roughly over into Youji's arms. Youji lifted him like a groom lifts his bride and carried him to a stainless steel table, laying him on it with care. Omi could hear Ken snickering delightedly in the background. Youji steped away from Omi as Aya came forward and proceeded to snap thick cuffs over his wrists and ankles. Omi struggled against the restraints, lifting away from the cold surgeon's table, but only in vain, as all he could feel was the pain of metal on flesh.

"Now stop that, Omi." Youji said soothingly, "It will all be over sooner if you succumb to the truth of…the truth of…"

"The what, Youji?" Omi stared at him, confused.

Youji's face cracked into a maniacal grin. "The truth of….CHEESE!"

"WHAT?" Omi cried out. "NO! I already know the truth about cheese! It's gross a-and evil! It almost killed me! I-it was-"

Omittchi stopped stuttering, mid-sentence, when Ken and Aya wheeled a silver serving tray with three tiers stacked with all kinds of … cheese.

"W-what do you think you're doing, guys? You can't just tie me down and…" Omi's eyes bulged at the sight (and smell) of all that cheese.

Still snickering, Ken cut a big slab of blue cheese with a butcher knife. He raised the slab of cheese to Omi's nose. "What do you think, Omi?" He waved it tantalizingly, "Wouldn't you like a bit of this FROMAGE?" He finished in a cheesy French accent. Aya and Youji burst out laughing.

"No thanks, Ken." Omi grunted out, feeling as if he were about to retch at the horrible smell.

"Aw, c'mon." Ken smiled garishly as he shoved the cheese he was holding into Omi's mouth.

"Mmmbff!" Said Omi.

The other three began slicing pieces of cheese and shoveling them into Omi's face.

"Nooooo…!" Omi woke up screaming. His heart pounding, he clutched his pillow.

"Omi? Omi, are you ok?" Youji asked, sitting on the edge of his bed. Ken and Aya stood behind him.

Omi couldn't speak, still holding onto his pillow like a life preserver, he realized that it was wet.

"We all woke up when we heard you screaming in your sleep." Ken gave him a concerned look.

"And you were chewing on that." Aya said gruffly, pointing at Omi's pillow.

Omi stared around at all of them, wide-eyed. "I…I'm so glad everything's back to normal!"

Youji and Ken exchanged quizzical glances. "Uh…Us, too, man." Ken put in, "Would you like a snack or anything? I was going to go into the kitchen and get a drink."

Youji quipped, "Yeah, a piece of cheese or anything?"

Le fromage…I mean…Le Fin. cackle


End file.
